Desmond Thomas and his four-year-old daughter Shayanna Thomas share an embrace. (Naphtali Junior)
IF you’ve ever stumbled across one of Desmond Thomas’s viral videos with his four-year-old daughter Shayanna you know the duo shares a special bond.
In an era in which fathers receive flak for the high level of absenteeism, content posted to their father-daughter social media platforms attracts thousands of views with hundreds of comments, commending Desmond — a 30-year-old single father — for never neglecting his role as caregiver.
In an interview with the Sunday Observer, their love was palpable and their shared joy contagious. As she sat on her father’s lap, playing in his hair and digging his smartphone from his pocket, it was clear that Shayanna was in her safe place. Thomas expressed that, from the moment of conception, that is exactly what he hoped to create for his daughter.
“When I first found out I was going to get a daughter, I was scared. The first thought I had was me having to have a house, and land, and car before kids, and create some kind of stability before mi get kids. I was 26 years old and it left my head all over the place,” he shared. “About a month after that I started coming to my senses; and I’m a photographer and graphic designer so that made me work even harder on my business. Mi also start to form a bond with her from inna belly. I would talk to her often because mi always grow and hear dem say fi talk to the baby so dem can know yuh — and I was determined to create memories from that time.”
Dubbing Shayanna his best friend, Thomas says although she’s only four years old the bond they share is unbreakable. He expressed that his attachment is so strong that when the relationship didn’t work out between him and Shayanna’s mother he decided he would take on the responsibility of primary caretaker. He expressed that while her mother was present, he felt he was better able to create a stable environment for his child, and did not hesitate to do same.
“Life unfortunately put us [him and his daughter’s mom] in two different directions — and I will never go on any platform and bash her because I felt like I was in a better position to care for my baby, and I did that. Mi make sure seh me do my part and nuh run from it,” he shared, outlining that having been brought up in a single-parent household with no father he vowed to never be absent from his children’s lives. “I told myself that I wouldn’t let my child suffer the same consequence I suffered as a youth. Mi nuh make having no father bother me. Mi know me turn out good and mi never a guh walk outta mi daughter life.”
Staring lovingly at his daughter as she played about the interview room, Thomas said the adoration he feels is inexplicable. He expressed that when his daughter was a newborn he would be so afraid to fall asleep as he just wanted to stare at her and savour each moment.
“Mi never used to sleep because mi just wah stay up and look pan her. Mi rock her, feed her. Mi did just feel great, and a dem time deh mi find myself and my purpose,” he said, outlining that his daughter has taught him patience and determination. “Nuff people think dem nah learn nothing from dem kids, but I learn a lot from having my daughter and just being there. She teach me patience, how fi show love and respect, and mi glad fi her presence inna my life.”
Sharing glimpses of their special bond on social media has led to the duo becoming favourites on various platforms. Videos of Thomas combing his daughter’s hair or her using him as her life-size doll, practising her make-up routines, have warmed the hearts of thousands.
Thomas expressed that he wants their relationship to be a shining example of the kind of love Shayanna should expect from others.
“We’re best friends, not just father and daughter. Most kids don’t have that with their parents nowadays, and that’s why they can’t talk up. Mi want Shayanna fi know seh she can come to me with anything,” he said. “She nah guh remember mi fi di pretty clothes or the pretty shoes weh mi buy. She a guh remember mi fi di time when she do mi make-up or when me carry her go river go wash her hair — because most people now as adults can’t remember one moment dem share wid dem parents fi show seh dem did have fun or love.”
But Thomas admits that even as he tries to create an environment in which his daughter feels loved, his actions are sometimes misconstrued by the public. He expressed that a video of his daughter giving him a peck on the lips received strong backlash, as some people expressed that a father and daughter shouldn’t share lip kisses.
“There are some weird people on the socials who project their trauma on you and your child. Mi have a picture out on the Internet weh mi baby kiss me, a vlogger take it up and post it and asked if it’s right for a father to kiss his daughter and mi see a lot of comments a say it wrong for a father to kiss his daughter. But mi understand say those saying negative nuh sure a dem self or dem nuh grow wid no love,” he said. “I know our videos heal a lot of persons on our platforms, persons who wished they had shared a similar bond with their fathers, and so I don’t listen to the negativity,” Thomas charged.
As for absentee fathers, Thomas has a special Father’s Day message for them:
“I want all the absent fathers to sit down and think within themselves, because if you say you love yourself you’re supposed to love your child because your child is you, your descendant,” he said. “Every child deserves love, and that’s why we live in a society now where we have so many broken children — dem nuh have nobody to talk to. Fathers, play a role in your child’s life no matter the situation. It doesn’t take a million dollars to take care of a child or love a child. The little things matter. To you, you may think it’s a small thing but it’s a big thing to dem.”
THOMAS…we’re best friends, not just father and daughter. Most kids don’t have that with their parents nowadays (Naphtali Junior)